A While.

I haven't written to my blog in a while.

Honestly?

I almost ALMOST forgot it existed. Wanted to forget it existed.

Why? - Probably because the things that have happened between my last post and now have been somewhat life-changing. Negative needed to enforce a Positive change. All part of God's plan. Worth sharing with the world, and I will, but in some other form... someday. I wouldn't know where to start, so when you finally get to read some of what i've written I'm hoping you'll be able to grasp how and why it was difficult.

I remember reading a book, I'm not quite sure of it's name, but a part of it ran in tracks across my heart and mind in turns, reminding me that writers cannot write without experience; and that these things, these predicaments I've been thrown headfirst into, are another set of Writing I can become fully immersed in.

Writing has become more than a hobby, or just a poem here and there I write as a gift. It has come to be a way of life.

My eyes are open to seeing the world sketched in words. Some bold enough to hold extravagant structures, others soft enough to outline clouds and brush cheeks as swiftly as a breeze. In eyes, and in the tears that leave them, in the eyes that look back at me in mirrors, and in the pain hidden behind the green that becomes a sea at the thought of time lost.

I am Me, because i AM words and the words that deplete my pen are ME.

We are one. As weird as it may seem. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Anger

noun ; [ang-ger]
1) a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong
2) grief; trouble.


You can't be happy for 365 days a year and to try would be crazy. We are challenged constantly to grow, not just as a person but in spirit, in willpower. Our faith is constantly challenged, for endless reasons, one being so we can appreciate things when they're right. Emotions are one thing I've found, in myself, are challenged most. If you know me you will know that my mood swings are nothing to mess with; i don't know about you, but that's just me - i have found that the only person to control that is ME. We know we are the ones who have the most control over ourselves, but i don't think we realize it. Our moods can change in a split second, but did you notice that most of the time it's due to something someone ELSE had said or done? We are constantly in contact with people; people that have Moods and Emotions, like ourselves. Of course they are guaranteed to clash, life would be boring if they didn't, but too many of us are insensitive to how our Moods affect others.

I like to distance myself from people when I'm in a bad mood. I cut myself off from the rest of the world and take time to breathe and 'count to ten' in my own way. In the past i haven't done so and it lead to things that could have been avoidable. Anger, of all, is the most insensitive of all Emotions (in my opinion). It snaps at people, blocks people out, is blunt, abusive, damaging, thinks out-loud, ignores help, is self-destructing, it's a walking disaster. Anger is in each and every one of the fifty billion people on this earth meaning it takes fifty billion different forms, causes fifty billion different reactions, has hurt fifty billion different people and is handled in fifty billion different ways.

You know that feeling; the amazing one; the feeling that nothing in the world matters; and you swear that this is the feeling you never want to go away? You know the feeling I'm talking about? Well that, my friend, is Happiness (:
And I'm guessing you much prefer that feeling to Anger, right? Right. So how would you feel if Anger (in one of the fifty billion forms) decided to take that feeling from you, wouldn't you be disappointed? I know i would. We become so absorbed in how we are feeling that we forget we can affect the moods of those around us.

Speaking from experience, it's best to take a firm hold on that amazing feeling we call Happiness, because the tighter you grip the lesser chance there is of losing it to Anger, or any other form of negative energy. Be in control of YOUR Moods and YOUR Emotions and don't let the Anger (etc) of those around you affect you. By allowing their negativity to impact on you; you are giving them all the power and a sense of control over You; don't fuel the fire. You are your OWN person and you have a right to feel whatever it is you want to feel.

Take control of yourself, take a firm grip on Life as well as Happiness.
Although Emotions and Moods are small pieces to the Rollercoaster we call Life jump on board and enjoy the ride, you'll only get one chance (:

Value

noun ; [val-yoo]
1) relative worth, merit, or importance
2) the worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged or in terms of some medium of exchange
verb
3) to consider with respect to worth, excellence, usefulness, or importance.
4) to regard or esteem highly


We all are guilty of taking advantage of something at some point in our lives, since we're all guilty it doesn't make it a serious crime ( considering it wasn't a person that we were taking advantage of ). As humans, none if us are perfect, we make mistakes to learn from them, but then again it's not really a mistake if you come out a better person; but who's to say that we ARE the mistakes we make.
Everyone's life is different, and everyone experiences their own ups and downs, meaning everyone deals with stuff in a different way. Whether good or bad, I deal with stuff through writing, I'll maybe shed a tear or two when necessary, but if I had never learned to write I couldn't imagine myself being the person I am today.

Everything has a purpose regardless of what it is, we as humans have a greater purpose in relation to other things, for example a pen can only be a pen for that was the reason it was created. We, unlike materialistic things, can do greater stuff and achieve more. Just as everything has a purpose, everything also has a 'value', whether it be in the form of money, or just be of great importance to someone.
My purpose is one thing that I leave in the hands of God, I have faith that He will lead me along the right paths and in the right direction. God is the one thing in my life I value most.

But getting to the point ... we never take into consideration how much we value something, it's not until something goes wrong, or you find it's missing, that you truly understand the importance of it. I, for one, am guilty of taking advantage, and being quick to act in situations. You can build up so much respect, love, friendship, strength, understanding etc etc, but it can be torn down with one simple word, one simple action.

I value so many things in my life, and today I have learned to treasure the things that mean most to me as you never know when you may lose them. It's okay to not want to put so much of you into something; investment, in return, can give you a lot ... but that's a whole different blog-post altogether haha

So in order to live a life well-fulfilled, acknowledge the value of things. Value your life, make the most of every day you wake up into. It's the little things we forget about that could truly make dull days a lot brighter. Value your opinion and don't be too afraid to stand behind it, your opinion is worth just as much as the next person's. Appreciate the things that are important to you while you have them, and don't let it take for you to lose something to realize its worth.

Know that you, yourself, are of some sort of value to someone, and although you are one small person in this big destructive world, you are unique and irreplaceable (:

Security

noun ; [si-kyoor-i-tee]
1) freedom from danger, risk, etc.; safety.
2) freedom from care, anxiety, or doubt; well-founded confidence.

Security is something that takes time to be found, or should I say, foundED. We all, despite our difference in circumstance, find security in something. It's in having that security that we can truly thrive off life.
I can personally say that to feel torn between the unknown, grasping onto what remains of your security is something that is life-changing. Not just because its a terrifying experience , but because its the 'not-knowing' that allows for the most change; without stability there is no guide.
To be told, without warning, that you have to walk away from something that has been there your whole life, something that you always expected to be there, is hands-down the hardest thing i have ever had to do. In the moment i wasn't completely phased by it, I was numb to the feelings I should have felt. When the shock wore off I was hit with so many emotions my body still hasn't recovered. If you have seen the impact of a storm on a lonely beach, tree branches scattered across the sand, everything out of place and an uneasy breeze still lingering; then you may be able to make a comparison. My life was the beach before the storm, everything happening as it normally would, everything in place, the sun shining, the breeze whispering between the branches of trees and the beach stretched so wide, so calm. The storm came and my world fell apart. The trees that were planted became scattered and torn. The breeze became a little stronger , my emotions the tree branches now scattered. The sun shines, but the damage remains, the pain still lingers and I am far from what used to be, the beach before the storm.

The point of this ? Learn to appreciate the place you find most secure. Whether it be plugged into your ipod lost in music, your eyes glued to a book lost in a fantasy world or in study, surrounded by some amazing people, or maybe its a certain place; enjoy it while you have it ; while security is a place in which you feel safe, protect that safe place.

Think about it (:

Time

noun ; [tahym]
1) the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.
2) duration regarded as belonging to the present life as distinct from the life to come or from eternity; finite duration.

It was brought to my attention that it truly is the little things that bring the biggest smile to your face. You never really know what you miss until its gone, well for me it worked like this - You never really know what you miss until you are faced with it again.

Its in being comfortable that you're guaranteed a tomorrow that you forget to appreciate what today has to offer. If everyone lived for the moment rather than for what's anticipated wouldn't you agree that the world would be a much happier place ?
In accepting that smiles don't last forever, as todays don't either, we are able to grasp what is truly valuable to us ... like time. We are so quick to spend time, or should I say WASTE time, but yet remain reluctant to spend money. Although we take neither time or money when we leave this earth, we are atleast guaranteed time after we take our last breath. Treasure it. Life isn't always about material things.

Anyways, before I get side-tracked, my point is that we are so quick to plan for tomorrow, expect for tomorrow, live today for tomorrow, that we forget today is the only thing we really have. Tomorrow is in no ones grasp but God's, and who's to say that we won't reach tomorrow; all we can do is aspire to it.

So hold on to the moments that capture your smile at its best. Reach out to what you don't expect to be in your reach. Live for those who Love you, and Love those who live for You, who live for your happiness.
Don't forget that time is not working with you but against you and its whoever runs the race most creatively and wisely that will in the end conquer.

We are who God created us to be, embrace it (:

Experimental

... is what I'm calling this. Ive written to alotta things : people, lined paper, coloured paper, napkins, rhyme books, the back of my hand; but never a blog. My passion is writing and whether a billion people get to read what I deplete into words, or none, I will STILL have a passion for writing. Experimental are the ways in which I write; the more ideas I dream up the more ways I have to dream up to portray them, and that's what makes this so worthwhile for me : the thinking.
Maybe you'll read this and lose interest and only visit once, or maybe you'll come back to see more. I don't write to disappoint, therefore I never fail to disappoint.

Am I a writer?
You tell me.